Author Archive
When we lived in Jaroso, a neighbor kept sheep during a time when raising sheep still paid. A large sheepdog of some breed — Great Pyrenees, I think — guarded the herd from coyotes and other dogs, but he must’ve been prone to chasing cars because my neighbor attached a large truck tire to his…
The other day Jayne and I rode horseback in the back field. The wind was up, and Esperanza was in Arabian dance mode rather than her sensible, grounded Morgan. I call it her Arab spring. I haven’t been riding much lately because I don’t want to ride alone, so to play it safe, I wait…
She placed what felt like a round flat smooth stone on my heart. In response to its penetrating, smoothening, deepening warmth, my heart spread out and widened in concentric circles. I saw a taproot extend from its chambers and plunge into the ground. Nourished by this taproot, my heart has increased capacity to feel, comprehend,…
Another session confined in the metal tube, jackhammers and ferry horns blasting amidst an addled and chaotic percussion section, and then moments of blessed silence while the machine hums and the magnets realign for another round of cacophony with a side of claustrophobia. I drift off worrying about a port inserted in my body…probably better…
My guardian angels are a cynical bunch — they knew me when I was much younger. They’ve lost the halos ’round their heads; their attire is veering toward grungier They’ve saved me from getting too close to the edge and found me when I got lost. They talked me down from high up on the…
Walk away from the soup when all the ingredients have been chopped up and the salt and pepper and cayenne stirred in. Walk away so the soup can gestate. Walk away from on-campus teaching when I realize these are not the students I can reach; these students don’t want to be reached; this is not…
“Glioblastoma? It always comes back,” Doctor Doom says as he leans way to far into my space. “Three months if you do nothing,” says the neurosurgeon from another planet. “Eighteen months if you have a craniotomy, radiation, and chemo.” Why is it these docs love to measure the threads of our lives? I do what…
You know what it feels like when you suddenly listen to yourself? When you hear the brutal language of your own self talk? When you hear how you are perpetuating your own negative programming? I hear myself say or write “chemo sucks” many times and on some level I am speaking the truth. Chemo truly…
Dear Jonathan, you are writing strongly about the hardest stuff: self-doubt, mistrust, hopelessness I can feel my own self unravel on days when I’m blue. A train of questions pulls on the thread that weaves me together — what’s the point? Why am I doing this? Why carve this stone, much less polish it? Why…