“Dear ayahuasca,” I wrote in a mental letter after hearing about ayahuasca-inspired journeys from two trusted friends. “I know we haven’t been properly introduced but what can you tell me my brain cancer, the path ahead, the next task?”

At the time I was in the throes of an intense reaction to the covid booster. Not quite right in the mind or the body. Monster headache. Uncontrollable chills. Lack of coordination and no strength. I even got stuck in the bathtub and Henry had to manhandle me out.

The first friend had taken ayahuasca with a guide. He said it was far from pleasant experience, but when he came back to “reality,” he felt fundamentally changed. His anger was gone. He started to receive important messages and insights about his clients. For instance, one time after his ayahuasca experience when his wife was working on me, he came into her room saying “they” told him I needed acupuncture at a precise point right away. No argument convinced them that it was okay for him to wait, so in he came, placed his needles, and then he went back to his own patient.

The other friend had a remote ayahuasca experience. Apparently. This can be arranged with a Peruvian family of shamans. If I understand correctly, they take the actual ayahuasca, but you experience what they see and learn and feel. My second friend reported being tremendously helped as well.

So there I was, stuck in bed, having this disagreeable reaction to the booster shot. I was scared and disappointed that I felt so rotten after a week or two of feeling good because of stopping chemo. My brain also felt untethered, which can be scary but not unpleasant if you decide it’s okay.

“Dear ayahuasca, I have brain cancer, or should I say after a year of being clear, I HAD brain cancer…” Verb tenses can be so confusing.

The message arced back like a boomerang, as if traveling no distance at all.

“We need to raise your vibration.” Or did they say change your frequency? In any case what I understood was that all this—the brain cancer journey and the booster reaction and everything in between —was/is/will be necessary.

“For what?” I started to ask. But then I realized the answer is obvious.

For what’s next.

PS. Every time I try to type ayahuasca, my voice to text software types something like Iowa Ska, which must refer to a Rastafarian reggae band in Iowa.